Heartletter - Relationship & Wellness Newsletter
- Issued Twice Yearly -

Fall 2003 Heartletter
by Joyce and Barry Vissell

"Art of Gratitude"

I have been reflecting these past several months on the need to thank people in my life for the many gifts that have come from my knowing them. This summer at our Breitenbush Family Camp we had the families all sit together and thank each other for even the smallest things that they take for granted. Before they started, I shared a little story from my childhood with the children and their parents. …

When I was a little girl between the ages of 5-7, my favorite story book was a little Golden Book called, “Chip Chip.” It was a story about a chipmonk and his adventures. Because my father worked all day, he wanted to be the one to read to me each night and kiss me good-night. Each night was the same thing. He would come into my room carrying an interesting story book and I would say, “You can read that book after Chip Chip”. Sometimes my dad would resist a little, but in the end Chip Chip always won. My dad would sigh deeply and begin with fresh enthusiasm a story that he had read every night for three years. Sometimes he must have been tired for he would try to skip a page, but of course I would always correct him and make him read every word. Eventually my horizons spread and he was able to read other books to me, but those three years of Chip Chip are among my favorite childhood memories.

When my dad was in his eighties I realized that I had never thanked him for that special time in my childhood. I sat with him and thanked him for his patience and care in reading the same story to me probably over 1000 times. Tears came into his eyes that I had remembered. My dad has since passed and I feel so grateful that I took the time to thank him for that simple, yet loving act of kindness.

Expressing gratitude is such a simple thing to do and doesn't need structure. I remember a couple that came to see us for marriage counseling. They had two children under the age of three and were having a very hard time connecting. On the verge of divorce, they wanted to try anything because of the children. There still was love and respect for each other, but most of their energy was going into caring for their small children and making a living. We asked them to simply thank one another for the things they see each other doing for the children. Even if one is changing a diaper and the other is bringing a fresh supply, they were to thank each other.

It worked! This simple acknowledgement and gratitude led to appreciation which led to a closer feeling between them. They still were incredible busy with their little ones, but they felt seen and acknowledged, and therefore closer.

Thanking people is very powerful. If we miss the opportunity in the moment, any time will work. Fifty years after Chip Chip, my gratitude to my father caused a beautiful moment between my dad and me, which lingers in my heart to this day.

And so I want to take this moment to thank each of you for giving us the opportunity to touch your heart in even the smallest way. In being able to reach out to you, we are blessed as well.