Heartletter - Relationship & Wellness Newsletter
- Issued Twice Yearly -

Spring 2006 Heartletter
by Joyce and Barry Vissell

“The Shared Heart ”

We recently received an email message from a young woman. She said she had been feeling really discouraged about relationships and was walking along the street when she passed a dumpster. Leaning against the dumpster was a well-worn copy of The Shared Heart. She acted on a strong inner prompting, picked it up, took it home, read it completely without putting it down, and felt a hope about relationship that she had never felt before. Deciding to buy additional copies for her friends, she journeyed from bookstore to bookstore. Nobody carried it. Some told her the book was out of print. She ended her email in this way, “The Shared Heart is a precious jewel. Please, Joyce and Barry, allow it to be more accessible to people.”

We started writing The Shared Heart 25 years ago, when we became pregnant with our second daughter Mira. Having difficulty finding a publisher, we self-published it. The book went on to sell almost 100,000 copies and has been translated into five different languages. The best part for us is that The Shared Heart opened the door for our work. Unfortunately, bookstores do not carry it anymore. At least once a week we receive an email from someone who has found the book in a used bookstore and has been truly helped. They always suggest that we republish it so that it can once again be in regular bookstores. We finally have gotten the message. We found an agent who is completely passionate about The Shared Heart and we are in the process of finding the right publisher. We are committed to republishing a new edition of The Shared Heart that will be available to a wide audience.

In this spirit we offer some of our favorite passages from The Shared Heart for your inspiration.

From the foreword, written in 1983:

Much of the inspiration for The Shared Heart came to us while meditating on the slopes of Mt. Shasta, which has been held sacred down through the centuries. Here we hoped to regain inspiration for the last thrust of the book. However, this was to be a different kind of trip. Mira was teething, didn’t like the cabin, and cried and complained much of the time. By the end of our stay we were weary and our writing tablets were blank. Sitting outside for a moment alone, we felt discouraged and said a prayer for help. The reply lovingly came through us both: “We are not only to write a book on love, we are to become all that we are writing.” Holding a crying baby late in the night was our work on the book. When we could do that with joy and thankfulness in our hearts, the book could then continue. So it is in every relationship. As we can accept with thankfulness the trials and initiations that come, so will our love continue to grow.

About letting go of ego:

There are times for every couple when one of us is convinced of being right and the other wrong, and we feel miles apart in the same room. For one of us to give in under those circumstances seems like throwing our very life away. When we do surrender at times like this and risk the very worst, we become filled with peace and joy. What we were holding onto seems so trivial, like a speck of dirt. Instantly the miles dissolve, and the mask we had projected onto our partner’s face disappears, revealing our hidden lover, revealing that enchantingly beautiful essence of being that is both of us, that is love personified, that is God.

About the essence of relationship:

There is only one love relationship, the bond between the outer personality and the Inner Beingness, the bond between the soul and the Spirit, the human and the Divine. Our relationships with others are manifestations and reflections of this One Relationship. We can either get lost in the reflections, or we can see “through the mirror”, using our relationships as vehicles on the highway to the Source of All.

About finding a life partner:

In wanting to be with one’s life partner it is best not to think about how you want him or her to be like, but rather, to feel in your heart how much you already love this person. It is this love going forth that will draw the person to you. The mind is a poor judge of who is right.

Your mind will naturally seek the easiest person to be with, one with whom it is easy and comfortable. But your heart, the voice of the soul, will seek the person who can best help you climb toward God. The mind seeks an easy relationship. The heart seeks a spiritual partner. Many people are married to their perfect spiritual partner and do not even realize it because their mind and desires are wanting the relationship to be more comfortable and painless. Many times the difficulty with your partner is the very thing compelling your spiritual development.

And finally, touching real love:

The purpose of a love relationship is to set your sights on love, rather than the relationship. The test of every relationship is to come to love love, more than to love the person. That love comes from a radiance of light, a presence. It is not a personality. When you touch upon love, you are touching your soul mate – and soul-marriage – the mystical marriage. It all happens within you, the merging of your soul with your spirit, the merging of who you thought you were with who you really are. In this realm of the heart you then see with the eyes of God. All things and persons are seen for what they are – light-infused and love-permeated. Your husband or wife or partner glows with a beauty that can make you gasp!