Heartletter - Relationship & Wellness Newsletter
- Issued Twice Yearly -

Fall 2008 Heartletter

“The Most Important Part of Our Lives”

“The Most Important Part of Our Lives”

We’re camped at one of our favorite high Sierra lakes. It’s early September. I just dunked into the cold lake water and lay down to dry in the sun on the glacialpolished granite shoreline. Joyce is sitting near me and turns to me, “Barry, can I ask you a question?”

I love the way she doesn’t just blurt out the question, the way I might do. Instead, she wants to first get my permission and attention. She’s learned the hard way that, without my full attention, I might appear to be listening, but not really hear her. 

“Yes,” I said. I was listening.

“What is your experience of God?”

I had to smile. It was just like Joyce to ask the most important questions. I thought a moment, then responded, “It’s a feeling of profound peace in quiet times of meditation. It’s a deep knowing of my purpose here on earth, and the joy that brings. It’s the ecstatic merging I feel making love with you.” 

As I thought more about my experience of God, I realized where I felt the presence of the divine the most – in our workshops. My highest moments come when I enter the “spiritual zone,” a feeling that I am immersed in love. At those times, it is my greatest joy to give love, to be used as an instrument of divine love. In those moments love flows effortlessly. I may be speaking to an individual, or quietly looking into her or his eyes, or singing. All that matters is that feeling of utter fulfillment, of feeling like I am in the right place in the universe, doing exactly what I need to do.

When I shared all this with Joyce, she thought for a moment then further asked, “How much time are you actually experiencing God?”

I had to admit, “Very little. Minutes here and there.” Yet I realized it doesn’t matter how little or how much time is spent experiencing holiness, or wholeness. Sure, it would be great to live more in that expanded awareness, but even one minute of being with Source transforms all the rest of the day. I used to view spirituality as something to be acquired or earned. I used to spend long hours meditating, thinking I was making deposits in some heavenly bank account. I used to think more was better. Now I’m realizing the simple power of a brief but heartfelt prayer, the infinite beauty I see just looking into Joyce’s eyes, the difference a few words of loving appreciation to someone in a workshop can make, the joy of sitting down and petting one of our dogs, the peace of remembering to take a deep breath, or the tenderness of being easier on myself
when I make a mistake.

The reality is, most of my day is very ordinary, without deep insights or heavenly experiences. Spirituality, I have come to know, is just as much a response to life’s happenings as it is something I do or am. It is the moments, no matter how small they are, of caring for myself as much as caring for others. 
Spirituality is the highest and most conscious relationship I have with myself, others, and the universe. In this sense, spirituality is dualistic. It is me, as a human being, relating with other people, all of nature, and God as infinite and all-loving. It is the sweetness of knowing I am loved just the way I am, that there is nothing I need to do to be loved.

Spirituality is also the knowing and awareness of the oneness of all things, that God is not separate from me. In this sense, spirituality is non-dualistic as well. The Creator’s thoughts are my highest thoughts. The light of the universe is in me. My love is divine love.

My spirituality is both dualistic and non-dualistic. I love and am loved by God, and my highest nature is God. 

 Joyce: I find the older I become, the simpler my spirituality becomes. My desire is to become like a trusting child. If ever you see a little child who is held lovingly in the arms of its wonderful mother or father, you’ll notice that child trusts whatever the parent does, or wherever the parent takes it. And so the child is content simply to be carried, knowing that its parent loves it and wants only the best for its growth. In this same way I want to trust that I am carried in this life by an unseen loving presence and that all that is given to me is for my highest good. This is my highest goal for myself, and yet to be perfectly honest I am not there yet. I still grumble and feel unhappy about certain things that come my way, but even in this I try to feel gratitude, however hard that is. 

My spiritual path is the most important part of my life and I try to bring it into every aspect of what I do. Perhaps the place I feel my spirituality the most is in our work. Barry and I love our work with a passion and feel deeply grateful that we are allowed to help people in their relationships and lives. Before each workshop we pray for people to be guided to us. In this process of prayer there is within us a heart connection and gratitude for each person who comes, as well as a tremendous sense of responsibility to give our love in the highest way possible. 

Our work is perhaps the area where we trust the most. We never really know what is going to happen at a workshop or counseling session. We trust in the power of love to open people’s hearts to what they need. 

Since we have been doing our work for over 30 years, there are times when we are sick, an emergency has occurred or any other number of challenging situations. Even during these times we have found that a simple prayer of asking for help before the workshop and then trusting is all that is needed. A year and half ago I faced my most difficult workshop. It was a women’s workshop, so I didn’t have Barry’s help and support right next to me. My mother was dying, and I was completely tired emotionally and physically in caring for her. (This was before Hospice came to help.) I had 24 women coming from all over the U.S. and Europe. I didn’t feel up to the task of leadership. As a matter of fact, I felt I needed the retreat more than anyone who was coming. On the morning of the workshop I went to my meditation space and prayed that I would be given the strength to lead these women. The answer that came within my heart was to trust completely for the love to come through. In many ways it was the most powerful workshop I have ever led. The more I trusted the more recharged and inspired I felt. I realized that I may think I am leading a workshop, but there is a lot more going on. 

A large part of our work is helping others to know they are worthy to be loved and helping them to trust their inner wisdom. Once a woman came to a workshop hoping that we would give her the answer to an important question in her life. Part way through her time with us she realized that this was not going to happen and she was disappointed. Shortly after that she realized that the answer was within her own heart all along and she left feeling empowered and knowing what she needed to do. 

We feel so blessed by this connection that goes from our heart to yours. We send you our love and prayers for your well being. 

From our hearts to yours,

Joyce & Barry Vissell