Heartletter - Relationship & Wellness Newsletter
- Issued Once Yearly -

Fall 2009 Heartletter

“Our Deepest Program”

Blessed greetings. Some of you have been with us since our first newsletter 25 years ago. Thank you for this connection with all of you.

Two years ago we started something new in our work which we called mentorship. The first evening of the six month program, because Barry and I believe in always being emotionally honest with people, we sat with our group of ten people and said, “This is our first mentorship program. We don’t know what’s going to happen or how we are to proceed, but we can feel in our hearts that it’s going to be good. The ten mentorship participants, who later lovingly called themselves the “mentees,” along with Barry and I, sat in a close circle and held hands. We asked for divine guidance upon all that would happen in the program. There is a verse from Proverbs in the Old Testament that says, “Trust in God with all your heart; do not depend upon your own understanding. Seek his (her) will in all you do, and he (she) will direct your path.” That bit of wisdom seems to apply to all spiritual paths and has become a foundation for our work and this mentorship

Barry and I desired that the mentorship be a place for each one of us to discover our true service and mission in the world, a safe place for healing everything that stands in the way of experiencing our true inner beauty, joy and power. We set our intention to create a deep connection of love within the group, and a deepening of each person’s spiritual path. However, we did not have the full understanding with our minds of how all this was to be accomplished. We just knew that we needed to trust and listen within day by day and hour by hour.

The first mentorship program went way beyond what we could ever have expected. We never even dreamed it would be so wonderful or so powerful. We also never realized how deeply it would impact our own personal lives as well. I guess a statement of the success of the program is that 8 of the 10 members enthusiastically wanted to continue the next year and this year 6 of those original “mentees” are excited to continue along with four of the members from the second year.

Barry and I have found that magic happens when we can fully trust in a higher power beyond the understanding of our minds. We have found that when we sincerely trust and ask for help, infinitely more is accomplished than we ever could have asked for or dared to dream. I have a vivid memory of being 21 years old and looking down from the 23^rd story window of my dorm room at Columbia University in New York City. Barry and I were at a cross roads in our relationship. We wanted to get married when we graduated from college but everything seemed to be standing in our way. No one believed that a relationship between Barry, a Jewish man and me, a non Jewish woman (who would not convert) could survive. We had just met with Barry’s rabbi who tried his hardest to convince us that we must end “the irresponsibility” of our relationship and go our separate ways. This was 1967 and the world did not look favorably upon Jewish people marrying non Jewish people. It just wasn’t done.

I remember looking down at the cars and people so far below and feeling an utter depression fill my heart. I could think of no way that Barry’s and my relationship could continue. For the past years I had been trying to think of a solution and couldn’t. In my mind it seemed that the only way was to end the relationship with the man I adored. Then a quiet voice seemed to come from my heart and simply said, “Trust! You can’t understand with your mind right now how the relationship could work because of the difference in your religions, but I know that it can. Marry your beloved Barry.”

Forty years later our relationship has worked out far beyond what either one of us could have ever imagined. Everything comes together beautifully when we trust in God with all our hearts and do not depend on our own understanding.

Joyce and I love our work. The private sessions we have with individuals or couples are often deeply rewarding. We especially love our work with groups. To us it is nothing less than magic. All around us we see people looking forward to retiring. We are both 63 years old and look forward to doing our work for many more years.

We love the weekends, and are thrilled to watch the life changes the individuals and couples make. Several times a year we have the privilege of working with a group for a longer period, like our couples retreat at Rowe, MA for 3 days, “Summer Renewal” at Breitenbush Hot Springs for 5 days or “Couples in Paradise” at Kalani Honua for 7 days. This is a real treat, for it allows the building of a momentum of loving energy that provides a deep safety and catalizes amazing growth.

So it was natural for Joyce and I to want to create our mentorship program, to work with the same small group of individuals and couples over a period of 6 months. And still, we really had little idea how profound the soul growth would be for every one of us in this remarkable half year. Even though we physically meet for 4 days in the beginning, middle and end of the 6 months, we stay connected in between over the phone.

So much safety and love is built after the first meeting that, when we start the second workshop a few months later (in January or February), it’s like we have never been apart. We can dive right in to the deepest work. There is no need for the usual groundwork of building group energy.

One morning stands out for me last year during our second meeting. A painful childhood memory shared by one participant triggered memories and feelings in each one of us. It resulted in a roomful of such depth and healing that every one of us was moved to tears from the sweet breaking of the chains of negative patterns from our pasts.

At the beginning of the first workshop, we record each person’s goals, what they really want from the 6 months. Do the goals change? Of course they do. Peel away the first layer of the onion, and the next is revealed. Turn up the light to the next level and the next layer of shadow becomes visible. Our human-spiritual journey is continuous, and an exciting adventure of discovery.

One of my goals last year was to be more vulnerable in the group, to show my feelings more, and thus to be a more effective leader and model for the group. I realized it does no one any good for me to ignore my sensitive human feelings, even if I’m not clear about what exactly I’m feeling. At one point last year, someone’s painful memory triggered a painful memory in me. More often, it is Joyce who shares painful feelings, and then I take over as leader. This time, I allowed myself to focus on my own pain and gave up leadership of the group. Joyce was, of course, more than willing to take over leadership. My vulnerability opened the door for other group members to share their own vulnerabilities, which led to a deeper level of growth and healing. In that moment, I was clearly fulfilling my goal.

People sometimes ask Joyce and me, “Isn’t it important to train others to do what you do?” We answer that we don’t want people doing what we do. It is our hope, especially with this mentorship program, to teach people to live so fully from the heart that they become loving models, doing what they each do best, giving their own unique gifts to the world. This way, we are fulfilling the purpose statement of the Shared Heart Foundation: “changing the world one heart at a time.”

From our hearts to yours,

Joyce & Barry Vissell