Shared Heart Column
New Dimensions of Relationship  February 1995
with Joyce and Barry Vissell
“The Soulmate Lesson”
We have seen so much sorrow in people’s quest for the perfect spiritual partner. We have also seen profound soul growth.
Andrew and Julie, two friends of ours, had what we felt to be a “life-partner” relationship. We saw the issues they were working on, and we knew they had what it takes to work through them. Their love was strong, as was their commitment to their hearts and to one another.
So we were all shocked when Julie suddenly ran off with another man, claiming she had found her true soulmate. Andrew, however, was devastated. He sank into despondency, at one point even thinking about suicide.
A few months later, Andrew was beginning to pull his life together when he met a woman with whom he fell in love. We saw him soon after that. He looked like he was floating on a bubble that could pop at any instant. There was an other-worldly smile on his face. What could we do? We weren’t about to point out to him the fragility of his condition. You just don’t do that to someone who feels they are in love, especially when they are not asking for your feedback.
We wished him well in his new relationship, left him, and waited for the bubble to burst. It took six more months to burst. Andrew’s girlfriend left him to be in another relationship.
Again, there was the shock, the sinking into despair, the loss of hope, the grieving. We comforted him as much as we could.
About a month later, we bumped into him at another friend’s house. He was beaming. Somewhat cautiously, I asked him how he was doing. He told me he was engaged to be married.
I smiled at him, trying my best to not interfere with this new bubble of bliss. Inside, however, my mind raced. How much pain and suffering does this person have to endure before he learns his lesson?
Then I looked closer at him. There was something different about him. He seemed more grounded, more peaceful, more rooted in himself.
He smiled at me, turned his head to one side, and showed me his newly pierced ear adorned with a lovely earring.
“This is my engagement present,” he announced with a smile. “I created a little ceremony and got engaged to myself. I’m planning a very special wedding ceremony. It’ll just be me, making vows to love myself, all alone at my favorite place in nature.”
I was so happy I embraced him. He had finally learned the “soulmate lesson.” He was about to wed his inner soulmate.
We can all benefit from Andrew’s story. How delightful if each one of us created such a ceremony for ourselves. Why not? Who does not need to consciously love themselves more, and look less for fulfillment from outside?
In some esoteric spiritual traditions, they speak about the “mystical marriage.” It is the joining together of the male and female aspects of oneself. It is the holiest of weddings that a spiritual initiate passes through.
We touch upon the mystical marriage when we embrace what we love in a partner as being a part of us. It is when we accept that our beloved is really a mirror, reflecting back to us all the qualities of our inner partner. Seeing beauty in Joyce is seeing the beauty of my feminine side. In this way, every relationship is ultimately helping each one of us to join together inside.
When the inner man weds the inner woman, we become whole, integrated and fulfilled human beings. Then our relationships with others will outpicture this same wholeness. We will then dance with our partners as equals, rather than with a feeling of incompleteness. How much greater the joy of the dance! |
